My Story

Once it was such a big deal for me to be even a little bit vulnerable with others. I was so closed up because I had so much hurt and rejection in my heart. But look at me now, about to share my testimony with anyone who stumbles across this blog and wants to read it! Truly this verse has fulfilled to me….

 

Ez 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

 

May it be all glory to God for you to see the good work that he has done in my heart up until today.

___________________________

I was born and raised in a small city in the North Island of NZ; it was my parents, sister and I. We lived in a modest home, went to a good school, and had all we needed. We were a normal happy ‘kiwi’ family.

That was until one late afternoon on our way home from the supermarket our family car was hit by a drunk driver and my sister in the backseat was killed.

 

I was 9 on the night when I lost my best friend. After that everything changed.

 

My Mum fell into a deep depression as the pain was too much for her process, and my Dad buried himself in working overtime to avoid the devastating reality too. And me? Well, I was just left on my own.

 

I felt neglected by them, lost and confused about what my family had become, and so, so alone. I didn't know how to process what I was going through; my thoughts led me to a deep and dark place and trapped me there.

 

My Mum’s friend who I called 'Aunty' would have me around to her house regularly. Her kids were a little older than me, but it felt good to be around a 'normal' family when I was with them. She would pick Mum and I up each week and take us to church too. One day my Sunday School teacher shared with us how God loves us and how he is always with us. This initially made me feel angry - if God loved us and was always with us, then why did he allow my sister to die?! Yet at the same time I was comforted - it felt like now God was all I really had...

 

When I was a teenager I burried myself in sports as I loved the adrenaline rush. I also chased after  boys and the latest trends to try and feel noticed, validated and special. In my heart I still felt lost, confused, alone and insecure too; I longed to have someone tell me 'it will all be ok' although even if they did I don't think I would have believed them.

 

I kept going to church each Sunday with my Aunty. I couldn't explain to you why at that time, because it wasn't like I felt it was helping me at all. Looking back I can see that I knew it was only God who truly could see me for who I am and know how to help me out of the isolating darkness. However this one ounce of hope was all I had; I couldn't it go, even though it felt out of reach.

 

I took a gap year after high school and got involved in 'Camp America'. I was a sports coach and mentor there and it was though that experience that made me want to become a teacher.

 

Fast forward to my mid 20's when my fiancé at the time decided suddenly that he didn't want to be with me any longer. Any artificial light that was within me quickly disappeared and I was hit with the reality of heart break and being alone once more. "How could God allow me to feel this way again?". It was like a tidal wave of hurt, fear, anger and defeat swept over me and I was back to that cold, isolated and dark place.

 

Why does anyone who gets close to me just get taken away?

Was I to just go about my life all alone?

What is the purpose in all of this?!

Where are you God?!

 

I didn't go to church for 2 years after that. "I can't even rely on God anymore", I thought. That idea that 'God loved me and cared for me' that I had clung to for most of my life seemed to be a cheap cliche line to me now.

 

I met my now-husband when I went to the UK in my late 20's. My life was still feeling dull and I thought taking an overseas job could be the cure. I met him and his friend at a downtown tube stop one Sunday afternoon. They had offered to move over and make room on the seat for me and we were just chatting about the weather and our day. He asked me if I was a Christian because I was wearing a cross necklace. I was a bit surprised at the question, and also I didn't actually know how to answer that anymore. The best I could come up with was 'kind of' - to which I got an empathetic smile.

 

I wasn't sure at the time why I agreed to give them my number and attend a board games night the next weekend. It was random and unexpected, but also I could feel that they were good people and I appreciated being included and the possibility of new friends. I thank God for his spirit leading me there as this was when my life started to turn around. For real this time.

 

No, it wasn't that this was when the man of my dreams swept me off my feet with his romantic charm! But instead, it was a quiet conversation in the kitchen at the half time break of playing Monopoly. It was between me and a softly spoken woman around the same age as me. After pleasantries, she mentioned that she could sense there was a lot of heavy weight on my shoulders and asked if she could pray for me about anything.

 

And to a complete stranger I shared all that was on my heart, wiping away a couple of fallen tears along the way. She just listened, and accepted every word. I felt no judgement from her, only a strange feeling of comfort and trust.

 

We met every week after that, sometimes twice, for a while. This stranger became a dear friend who showed me through the Word of God. She showed me where it said that indeed God knew me, wanted to be with me, that he cared for me and had a good plan for me too... I just needed to run to his embrace through the words in his Bible.

 

My work and social connections were building up in the background in my life, but always I found the greatest sense of peace and fulfilment after meeting this friend. It was like God, who had always felt just that little bit too far away, was finally drawing closer to me. My heart was seeing the light, feeling the warmth, and hope was being restored.

 

One day she told me about this course that I must do. She had done it before and shared it could be the next step for me in my faith now too. It sounded good, but it was a big commitment. I would have to quit my indoor netball league to attend (that I had just paid the season for!). Initially I thought I didn't need to do it, I was feeling better already in my life and faith. But in my heart I knew that it was what I needed to do. I realised God had led me to this friend, and was revealing himself to me though his Word, how could I not follow His lead and find out all he had prepared for me at this time?

 

I didn’t have heaps of information about who was running the course, but the team were so friendly, bright and joyful. They made an effort to keep in touch with me and help me to perceive what I was being taught. What they shared with me was all from the scriptures; explaining scriptures with scriptures - it was so pure and un-bias. It was like I was learning the Bible properly for the first time. I asked lot's of questions comparing what I had known and been taught before, and all my answers were so clearly explained through scripture. God, His Word, His heart and His way were explained and slowly I built this as the foundation of truth in my heart that I knew now I could stand on.

 

I remember having a thought one time that I was so grateful for them, and that one day maybe I could help someone through the Bible the way they were helping me right now too!

 

Slowly the Word of God and Jesus' teachings were unravelled to me and I realised it was the time of the fulfilment of Revelation; that Jesus had fulfilled most of his prophecies already and that his Word was leading me to his Promised Pastor, New John, and his Promised Kingdom, New Heaven New Earth - Shincheonji! The light of true and tangible and eternal hope was right there!

 

Looking back, and especially as I share this with you now, I can see how it was like all the cards of my life were lined up so I could be there in the UK in order to meet God and His Word like this! I saw that God had been preparing for the creation of Shincheonji for 6,000 years, and He had also been preparing me to be a part of this kingdom for many years too! It was then I could understand God’s love, will and plan for me; and that indeed with Him “it will be ok”. And I believe Him!

 

It was a few years later that I got married to my now-husband who of course was already a part of Shincheonji. We moved to NZ and started our family a few years after that too, and they are loving the fellowship of other children and families in the church too. We love meeting new people who are seeking for God and the true way and often host Bible studies and invite people to the Shincheonji Bible course too! Our hearts are overflowing with the joy and hope that God has given us – how can we not share about it?!

 

What I experienced in my time learning at the course, and in my life in Shincheonji for the years after is:

-The joy of knowing the proper explanation of the Bible given by Jesus through his promised pastor

-The healing of my heart through the knowledge of God and the truth

-And the authority of God's spirit in my life to show me the path ahead and to use me as an instrument for him.

-Also the hope of eternal life where there is no more death, crying, mourning or pain on the earth - and when I will get to see my sister again too!

 

Satan, the world and sin had broke me and beaten me down, but God saw me, called me, transformed me and recreated me. I am feeling more happy and whole than ever before; and secure too, knowing that I am living within God's plan and will.

 

I thank God every day for bringing me to Shincheonji and for all he has done for me. It was never what I expected, never what I could have planned, but it is everything I never knew I needed, and more! From the depths of my healed heart, I will serve God and share His light and glory to those who are open to hear!

 

Christine xx

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